North Carolina Blues: The Story of the South Once Again Proving How Irrelevant They Are

Poor North Carolina.

After all of Asheville’s efforts to make the state seem cool and relevant to the rest of the U.S. beyond a convenient place to stop and take a dump on the way to Myrtle Beach, they have consummated their irrelevancy by proving just how uncool they really are.

Today voters in North Carolina passed an amendment to their state legislation to ban gay marriage. Now to be fair, North Carolina has always had a very traditional take on marriage. According to www.usmarriagelaws.com, North Carolina holds marriage values in high esteem, as proven with these laws:

In NC these girls can get married!!!
…just not to each other

  • Applicants 16 and 17 must present a consent form signed by the parent, individual, agency or institution having legal custody or serving as the legal guardian of the underage party.
  • Applicants 14 and 15 must provide a certified copy of the court order authorizing the marriage. A certified copy of the birth certificate is also required.

 *****A marriage license may not be issued to applicants under 14 years of age.

 

YOU SEE, gays? There’s no reason to be upset. 7th graders can’t get married either!!!

Well…at least not until 8th grade…

Wait, what?

Waiting Period:

No waiting period.

 

In North Carolina, marriage vows and long term “eternal” commitments can be made with relatively no forethought. As long as they are at least 14 year old penises and 14 year old vaginas, they can get married whenever they want, simply because they are penises and vaginas!

The high school marriage on One Tree Hill is suddenly making so much sense…

 

      Cousin Marriage:

Isn’t it just great?

       Yes. First cousins MAY marry, but DOUBLE first cousins may not. Double first cousins are very rare, as the couple have to be related as cousins through both parents.

 

Niiiiice. Now the next Christmas when sparks inevitably fly between me and my 14 year old cousin, I will have to remember that we can seal the deal with a quick trip to North Carolina, where residency is not required, waiting periods are not required, and penis/vagina matrimony reigns supreme.

Then we can go to Myrtle Beach.

 

Love,

The girl who relishes the divorce rate among straight couples who define the sanctity of marriage

 

PS: With the possibility that I have not convinced you that this latest slap in the face of ALL Americans (yes, all) and their right to marriage equality was just NC being a bitch, check out my other entry, “Why Gay Marriage Should Never Be Legalized and America Rocks!!!”   It’ll give you like, so much insight.

About thegirlwiththeblog

At any given time I can be found moisturizing my elbows and searching for words that rhyme with orange.

Posted on May 9, 2012, in unbalanced political observations and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. While their other laws seem contradictory, I agree with North Carolina’s vote. I applaud the state for doing the right thing.

  2. I’m with Patrick, although I am outraged at the double cousin denial. When will America learn? Gays are an abomination no matter what, but double cousins won’t necessarily create them. There’s only a 92% chance. What happened to choice?

    Maybe Obama meant he supported double cousin marriage and not gay marriage. That must be right, yeah? I love you Obama. I wish WE were double cousins.

  3. I’ll have you know, this made me laugh…and laugh…and laugh…

    INow I wish WE were double cousins!!!!!!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 212 other followers

%d bloggers like this: