No Facebook February

February 2013 is “No Facebook February.” Or so I have declared it.

 
I have been using Facebook to replace real friendships since the spring of 2006, as a senior in high school.

 
It followed me to college where I be-”friended” the entire University baseball team and weird Renaissance Club kids I never had any actual interest in talking to but was too nice and desperate for a larger friend count, to deny.

facebook_users_with_500_friends
I graduated from college and recorded the downfall of my “too-young-and-too-stupid-to-tell-the-difference-between-first-love-and-husband-material” marriage for two years; posting wedding photos, deleting wedding photos, quoting Bob Dylan lyrics, and depression-weight loss pictures.

 
Following up on that stellar life decision, I moved to Tennessee and used Facebook to screen romantic prospects, which didn’t help much when I was sitting in my living room with a drug addict musician whose only criteria for passing my Facebook screening was “liking” The Allman Brothers, revealed his recent release from a mental institution.

 
Moving back to Pennsylvania, Facebook kept me company as I bummed it on my mother’s couch for two months before getting a part-time job. It also continued to remind me of the incredible failure I am to the social advancements of the human race, with my lack of interest in interacting with anyone outside of a 2×2, blue and white chatbox.

 
It kept me relevant in random bar friendships, cultivated from my singular bar outing in 2012, when I moved to a new apartment, in a new town, where I had no friends, and no life plan beyond online dating and drinking alone.

 
But it lost its relevance when I fell in love with my able-bearded bodied man whose presence helped remind me of the value that could be contrived from life when real relationships were a larger focus than 2-dimensional cyber stalking.

 
Still it’s taken 7 months for me to stronghold the desire to break my Facebook habit, for me to actually do it. And even now I can only commit to a No Facebook February and not a No Facebook Life. I can only explain it with haphazard math that probably means nothing, but has to mean something, if you really think about it.

 
I have been on Facebook almost every single day for 7 years. I visit Facebook, admittedly, more than I visit my father, mother, brother, sister, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, or toilet, combined, each day. If I’m keeping it real, maybe 15 times a day, adding up to approximately 3 hours each day, give or take a few. Now here’s the (estimated) math that gives me ulcers:

 
7 years x 365 = 2,555 days on Facebook
2,555 days x 15 visits to Facebook per day = 38,325 visits since I started

 

 

Which ultimately means:
2,555 days x 3 hours a day = 7,665 hours on Facebook

 
Which further means that over my last 7 years of life, I have spent 319 days on Facebook, which is easily the most depressing, stupidest decision, I have ever made in my life. And the worst part is?

 
I have NOTHING to show for it.

 

SO…

 

For the naysayers, the nonbelievers, the bored readers who tuned out when I started doing math. If you are a Facebook user, I encourage you to do the math on your own Facebook life.
I then invite you to take the No Facebook February Challenge with me.

Drink the Kool-Aid. Drink it down.

Drink the Kool-Aid. Drink it down.

I started 4 hours ago and it’s been interesting. I have already had to deny myself Facebook log-in three time. It’s been brutal.

So to entertain myself I’ve been coming up with band names for the indie/punk/emo/folk-rock group I’m starting as soon as I get fired and learn to play the ukulele. This is what I’ve got:

 

Stench of Saliva
Ted Bundy’s Mother
The Waffle House Whores
Asian Impregnation
Chest Day Motivational

Rock n’ Roll.

Love,

The girl who maintains that the world would be a better place if candles were edible

About thegirlwiththeblog

At any given time I can be found moisturizing my elbows and searching for words that rhyme with orange.

Posted on February 1, 2013, in life lessons I never wanted to learn and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 7 Comments.

  1. Good luck! 3 people I know deleted their accounts 4 weeks ago. They brought their accounts back 3 weeks ago. Facebook is fine as long as you don’t pay attention to anybody else.

  2. You’re wonderful, and even though we’ve never met, I don’t consider you just a “facebook friend”, rather a “blogging-comrade”, together fighting the humorless and insane world out there via the blog-o-sphere. I support your no-Facebook February whole-heartedly!

  3. A dear friend of mine deactivated her FB account over a year ago because she couldn’t deal with the drama-postings. She doesn’t regret it. Good for you, taking control of another part of your life :)

  4. I love you! Hang in there, sounds like you need this badly! Know that I read and enjoy every word you write. :)

    Marianne

  5. Only reason I’m still there is because I run pages…and stupid FB won’t allow you to run a page without a personal profile. Annoying. I love being off it otherwise. You probably will, too. Just have to find something far more fulfilling and fun to take its place…

  6. Everyone should do this…FB is the ultimate waste of time….lol….it is sort of like cell phones!

  7. I quit Facebook for 3 months in the Autumn of 2011. It was alarming in how little it changed my life.

    In the end, I went back for convenience. It’s good for communicating to friends in one foul swoop. It’s good for keeping in touch with interstate an overseas friends. It’s good for humblebrags an developing a witty, online presence.

    I find it is largely not annoying provided I follow one strict rule: all of my Facebook friends are my FRIENDS. Not someone I met once at that party in second year uni. Not that friend of a friend that swims in my circles but who has never interacted with me other than to give me the stink eye.

    Only people whose friendships I actively enjoy.

    It’s the only way.

    Oh and of course for some light stalking…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 215 other followers

%d bloggers like this: